Death, Taxes, and Shaving My Legs

Until I started kindergarten, I was unaware that not all children have hairy legs. I’ve since speculated that I’m a distant relative of Sasquatch (which would also explain my big feet.)

In 1998, I was told that Adriamycin/Cytoxan would completely eradicate all head and body hair. I kept waiting, and waiting, and waiting — but my legs remained hirsute even though my head was completely bald. If ever I needed proof about the unfairness of the universe, this was it.

When my 2016 oncologist warned that I’d lose all hair, my main thought was, “Whatever.” I’ve been down this road, and it’s littered with used disposable razors.

My head hair started falling out fifteen days after I started chemo. I shaved my Sasquatch legs. Two weeks later, I noticed that leg hair had stopped growing at the three-day stubble mark.

I made peace with my stubble decades ago, and had no intention of shaving now. If a three-day beard is fashionable on men, then why not my legs?

I ignored the issue for two months, and wore shorts every day.

Yesterday I noticed that the bristles had thinned out to half their former volume, but I had several dozen mysteriously long hairs. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap — I knew I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. So I shaved.

In theory, I can hide my razors until the chemo is out of my system for two months, late September or early October.

In reality, the first thing to grow back will be those damn leg hairs.